5 Simple Steps to Find the Fearless Woman Within
We haven’t always been natural-born introverts. Once upon a time, we were lionesses.
In our early youth, we had no fear. And we had no shame. It’s true, we were also stupid and made a lot of dumb decisions. And chances are one of those decisions brought you to the place you are now.
Scared of everything. Scared of change. Scared of failure. Scared of one-day setting boundaries and no longer being a people pleaser.
If you’ve come to the realization that you used to be a confident person, and you want to get back to her — it’s not too late. The good news is — that lioness is still within you. You just need to find a way to bring her back out. Following these steps can help guide you to living a more fearless life.
Step 1: Be Honest with Yourself
You are a grown woman. It is time to stop pretending like you’re fine to save face and it’s time, to be honest with yourself. Someone broke you at a certain point. Maybe it was over the course of a long period of time and the memory is suppressed? Maybe you know exactly who it was and how it made you lose a little faith in humanity, but more importantly — in yourself.
You shouldn’t admit your past hurts as a way to play the victim card — or as a way to get revenge on the person who betrayed you. This is about you!
Even if you are not ready to move on past the hurt, you need to be clear with yourself about what you have been holding onto. Say to yourself, “I know I carry this hurt with me. I know when it took place and who inflicted it. I am not ready to let it go, but I am ready to accept that it happened and that it doesn’t define who I am.”
This may seem like a small thing to do but it is a big step to becoming stronger.
Note: The journey to self-healing can be a long one. If you don’t truly believe the affirmations you give to yourself — give it some time. You may need to dwell on the first step longer before you are ready to move on. And this is OK!
Step 2: You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything
Boundaries are important in life and especially when trying to get back to the part of yourself that you felt was lost. Learning to set boundaries for yourself will help heal your people-pleaser mentality. And that is another lesson itself. There are many great resources for learning how to do this. You just need to be committed to practicing them.
You can start by verbally affirming to yourself that you do not owe anyone anything. Not your time. Not your energy. Not your body or emotions and certainly not your money.
Everything you have is a gift and if you choose to give it away it will only be because you chose it.
It can be healthy to say “no” to people. And it teaches you to start taking control of your own life — one single syllable word at a time.
Repeat to yourself, “I do not owe anyone anything. My time, my love, my resources are mine to give. No one can pressure me to use them up because I am the only one who chooses how to spend them. I feel stronger after saying ‘no’ because no one can make me feel guilty for my own choices. Setting boundaries will lead to a more grounded life. And I celebrate that.”
Step 3: Keep a Gratitude Journal
Start by writing down all the experiences in your life that have made you feel bold. Even if it was a long time ago. And then write why you were grateful for the experience.
This might be the one task you skip. But I urge you to start it and keep at it. Even if your life has been pretty boring, and you can’t think of any “exciting” experiences, write about something else that you’re grateful for or have been grateful for in the past.
The gratitude will help focus your attention on the things that inspire you instead of the things that you don’t have. The journaling will remind you — if you’ve done it before, then you can do it again. But this time even better.
If you’re just starting out, an entry may look like this:
“When I was 16 I asked a boy to dance at the prom, instead of waiting for him to ask me. At the time, my friends applauded and I felt like a pro. Even though I don’t feel comfortable around many guys these days, I am grateful that I got that moment to have all eyes on me. I’m I made the first move.”
Remind yourself of the moments you felt proud of yourself for being brave. It’s going to make your future efforts feel more achievable.
Step 4: Find a New Hobby
This comes before doing a new hard thing. I mean, finding a hobby can be scary. Especially if you don’t find yourself good at many things. I know you’re comfortable with the same routine and the same activities every day. But the whole point is to lead you to a braver lifestyle.
To make new experiences, you have to try something. Something a little more daring than a new food. How about refurbishing old furniture? Become a gym buff? Personally, I recommend Painting because it can be inexpensive and you can try crazy new designs or techniques. You get bonus points if you post your very first attempt on social media for everyone to see.
No matter what you do — be proud of it.
Step 5: Start Meeting New People
Woah now — I’m not ready for that yet. That’s ok, go at your own pace. Just know that this is the next step to do whenever you are ready. You don’t have to start in a scary place either — like the club, a dating site, or random joe shmoes from the street.
Try a support group or a gathering of like-minded people who are interested in the same things you’re interested in. Find a place with an easier atmosphere, like a YMCA, book club, or a small-town music festival.
Find your element, embrace it and make a new connection there. Chances are there is someone else trying to get out of their comfort zone too. They’re going to welcome you and appreciate that you are trying to find the confident soul inside of you.
Meeting new people is hard because you potentially face rejection, judgment, and toxicity upfront. It is a realm of the unknown but it has so many benefits to offer. Making new friends and surrounding yourself with positivity will only lead to more growth.
You will never feel stuck as long as you have positive influences and a support system that uplifts you. They give you the wing beneath your wings. And if you don’t already have this…you need to go get it.
Keep Fighting Those Fearful Feelings
Fear is your worst enemy. It wants to suck the fun out of life and force you to live in a bubble.
You are stronger than your circumstances. Because if can’t control what happens to you, you can control how you face it.
I strongly recommend finding a life coach or a therapist who will work best with you and your experiences. They help you find the best course of action to fight the things that hold you back from living boldly.
If you have managed to come this far- keeping going. I’m proud of you!